Memoirs - The joke is on me
Memoirs of a foreigner living in Japan
Memoirs – The joke is on me. This is a true story of my time living in Japan. Seen through the lens of a foreigner (Canadian). This is a follow-up to the prior article. https://austinworx.com/an-experience-that-made-me-laugh-while-living-in-japan/
A Questionable Sandwich
Long ago, I was stationed at a junior high school in Tochigi prefecture as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher). Although challenging, this position taught me many valuable life lessons. I plan to share more about my experiences as an ALT in the future, but for now, let’s continue with my story.
Japan is a country full of great convenience stores. How convenient! The reason why I mention this is that they have such a great variety of food, fresh and otherwise.
Basically, I was living off the food in local convenience stores for quite a long time while I was living on my own. There were vegetables and meats that only needed heating, which they can do right while you wait! I haven’t eaten frozen food since coming to Japan in truth.
Pasta, soba, ramen, fired meats, salads, and much much more. Not only is everything delicious, but it is very affordable, too!
I have never had a problem with any of the food I have eaten from a convenience store until one hot summer day.
Hot days and mayonnaise (in English it rhymes). My breakfast tuna mayo sandwich went down well, but hours later, I learned it wasn’t a wise decision.
Unfortunately for me, the school I was stationed at did not have a western toilet. (I learned about the one in the teacher’s area after the fact. Sigh) Basically, I had to take off every article of business attire in a hurry and attempt to use this toilet without any training. More than once.
It wasn’t a pleasant experience. Let’s just say that diarrhea is never easy.
I had lived in Japan for some time prior to my bad tuna mayo sandwich experience, and I should have known about these toilets, but I avoided them as much as possible. So, I had never had the experience before. In fact, I didn’t even know which way to face!
After experiencing this more than once on the same day without much success and sore legs from squatting too long, I decided to get some medicine from a pharmacy. Another first for me.
The Pharmacy - We are all professionals, aren't we?
It was an uncomfortable drive back home, by the way. I think every small hill and bump in the road almost made me throw up my force-fed lunch (you weren’t allowed to refuse lunch in a public school setting) and the remains of my spoiled sandwich. Fortunately, the pharmacy wasn’t too far away.
This is where I need to say, that my Japanese ability was very low at the time. It still is.
I knew some words. I just didn’t know what words I needed to make myself understood by the pharmacist(s).
The lady pharmacist that I brought over to help me was seemingly kind. She had a smile. She saw that I was standing in the area where the pictures on the medicine boxes and bottles have people holding their intestines in, so I figured this was the most likely area I needed to be in?
Anyway, this is how I worded it.
“Excuse me.”
“Stomach ache. Very bad.” (Pantomiming this is easy)
I didn’t know the word for medicine. I pointed to the boxes.
“Which?”, I asked.
She did not understand.
She asked me, “What is wrong?”
Okay, I was feeling a little frustrated and uncomfortable. I also felt like vomiting at the time. However, perhaps I need to explain in more detail. So, let me start again.
“I am sorry. My Japanese is bad.”
“Stomach ache. Really bad.”
“Water. Feces.” I pantomimed my interpretation of diarrhea without actually showing it, as an accidental live example.
Pointing to the medicine.
“Which?”, I asked.
She did not understand. Again.
In hindsight, perhaps this woman was only a store clerk responsible for stocking the shelves. Or perhaps she didn’t understand my universal pantomiming. Either way, she needed to summon another attendant.
Can you guess what happened next?
I had to explain myself again. You’d think they would have talked before I had to go through the whole thing all over again.
“Water. Feces.” I should note that the Japanese word I used for “feces” is very offensive and rude, and I was embarrassed to say it aloud as well. However, I certainly had ample opportunity to practice that swear word during this conversation.
Oh, I did mention a sandwich. Tuna with mayo this time.
They didn’t understand. Or did they?
It seems that they both agreed to take me to the front desk where the head pharmacist was stationed. So, off we went.
The joke is on me this time
There was a running joke back in the day where a young guy goes to a pharmacy and asks for condoms (which weren’t available on the shelves at that time in the past). The sales clerk would then announce on loud speaker that the guy is ordering condoms in order to belittle the customer. Ha ha! Poor guy. I was starting to feel that I was that same young guy.
Once again, with the added fueling of nausea, embarrassment, and outright anger, I went through the same routine. I wanted to give up and go home, but the thought of having to use those old toilets at the school again, kept me persistent.
I think at this point in time, they ran out of attendants for me to demonstrate in front of.
Finally, with a smile of “understanding”, the head pharmacist took me over to the section I was initially in front of and casually grabbed me a box of the much needed medicine. The smile and casualty of her response angered me to no end.
In Conclusion
I learned much later that those pharmacists were likely disturbed that I didn’t see a doctor first, as is customary in Japan. However, as a Canadian, seeing a doctor is a hassle, and if I’m not on my deathbed, I’ll try to cure myself with sheer willpower and over-the-counter medicine.
I can’t recall if the medicine worked right away, but I do remember working at the school the next day, so I guess it did.
But now, I have a new word in my Japanese dictionary, diarrhea, and a new memory to share with you.
I hope you found this entertaining. Have a good day, wherever you are!
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