Advice about Love - A Father's Words
Love is like a Jar of Marbles
Memoirs: Advice about Love – A Father’s Words. This article continues my Memoirs series, in which I highlight my personal experiences from both Canada and Japan. How do these experiences relate to one another? This article explores the enduring beauty of love in a relationship. Perhaps this advice will be as profound for you as it was for me.
There may come a time when you question your relationships—whether your current relationship is worthwhile, if you are still in love, or if there’s someone better. In such moments of doubt, my father’s advice might offer the clarity and guidance you need.
A Ride Through the Countryside
The journey from North Bay, Ontario to Toronto is a lengthy one. My father once volunteered to accompany me on this 3-4 hour trek through the countryside many years ago. As we departed the city on that warm, sunny summer morning, the landscape transformed into a picturesque tapestry of rolling hills, dense forests, and serene lakes. A father and son, comforted by the music they shared and each other’s company.
During this ride, my heart was troubled, and I found the opportunity to ask my father the questions that would shape my future.
You see, I have never had trouble finding love. More often than not, it found me. I wasn’t a playboy by any means, but my failure rate in the relationship department was at an all-time high. Sadly, I couldn’t pinpoint the reason why.
My last failure was with my ex-girlfriend (now wife) back in Japan. The failure was due to a combination of being jobless in Japan, homesickness, and the inevitable frustrations and challenges of most international relationships.
Having an international relationship is not easy.
An Ideal Relationship
My parents had been together for more than fifty years at that point in time. They are still together many years later, and I believe they would be together even in the afterlife. Although they occasionally argue, their relationship endures. As I reflected upon them, I felt both blessed and cursed.
How is it that they could last so long together, while I am still picking up the broken pieces of my relationships, my heart filled with regret?
My Father's Analogy
Eventually, I came around to asking why they had been together for so long. His answer was the following:
Picture love like a mason jar full of marbles. For every little thing that your partner does for you, you put a marble in the jar. For example, when your partner places a blanket over you while you’re sleeping, that warrants a marble in the jar. Acts of kindness and love warrant marbles in your jar. Over time, your jar fills, and you can look upon it whenever you begin to question things.
You must keep in mind never to take marbles out of the jar when something bad occurs. That deserves its own jar if you need something like that; negativity doesn’t help with anything though. Simply put, one can’t take away a past kindness and act of love because of some new event.
A Legacy of Love: A Father's Words
My relationship with my Japanese wife thrives to this day. I have always kept my father’s analogy of the jar with marbles in mind when times became tough, when temptation was near, and when the frustrations of international relationships threatened to drive a wedge between us. It has brought me comfort and perspective, and I hope it does the same for you.
Remember, love is built on small acts of kindness and consideration. Cherish these moments and let them fill your jar, even during challenging times. By focusing on the positive and nurturing your relationship, you can overcome obstacles and create a lasting bond.
May my father’s wisdom guide you as it has guided me.
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